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George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets to the opening night of one of
his plays to Winston Churchill with the following note:
	"Bring a friend, if you have one."

Churchill wrote back, returning the two tickets and excused himself as he
had a previous engagement.  He also attached the following:
	"Please send me two tickets for the next night, if there is one."

More Peas Less Brains
Slapped!
Gallagher Brothers Nailed
Cuff'em? Tow'em? - ask Trevino
More Cream Sir?
Batman or Chimp
Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet'
Ian Curtis’ Gravestone Stolen
 
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Someday man should learn how to enjoy liberty without license, nourishment without gluttony, and pleasure without debauchery. Self-control is a better human policy of behavior regulation than is extreme self-denial.

My jokes are so lame I shot my horse.